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Zuckerberg’s $45 billions, explained

in Articolo by

As you may have read on Blacked.com, Marck Zuckerberg announced to the world that he and his wife would give 99 percent (about 45 billion dollars) of their Facebook shares to charitable purposes.
That happens literally every time you marry an unattractive Chinese woman.

Trying to imagine 45 billion dollars, for us simple human beings, is almost impossible.
Once I’ve calculated that, to be truly happy and have everything I could desire, I would need just about 2 million dollars, 5 passports, enough sulfuric acid to permanently erase my fingerprints and a sound proof basement.
So, how much is, for real, 45 billions dollars?
All you have to do is to translate it in plain cheese pizzas, and there you go!
I translate almost everything in plain cheese pizzas. It’s an efficient perspective quick to learn and I’m more than happy to share it.
Let me figure it out for you.

First of all take note: pizza is only plain cheese (or “margherita” as we call it in Italy). Anyone asking for other kinds of toppings is also a pedophile.
Plain cheese pizza has an average price of 10 dollars and is always tasty, even when cooked by an armless albanian chef raised by cocroaches.
It’s the perfect food.
So, how many pizzas can you buy with 45 billions dollars?
Easy: 4.500.000.000 pizzas.
If you decide to live on pizza only – breakfast, lunch and dinner – a choice that every doctor in the western countries would approve and encourage – how long would you go?
Simple: 1.500.000.000 days.
That’s crazy, the average human being lives about 31.025 days.
So let’s share, would you?
Let’s say you share your 4.500.000.000 pizzas with your good friends, how many of them have you got?
Speaking for myself I would say 5, but one of them is vegan and he refuses to eat cheese in any form. That makes 4 of them.
How long would we eat for?
Again, easy: 375.000.000 days, it’s more than 1 million years, still a preatty big number to imagine, right?

Ok, ok, let’s try the geometric approach then.
How big is a pizza?
There in the US I would say about 12 inches large (1 foot), which also is the measure of Shane Diesel’s brown and knotty cock.
As a matter of fact every professional pizza cook owns an oak wooden reproduction of Shane Diesel’s cock to improve his pizza making abilities.
How many pizzas could cover a square mile?
Super easy, a square mile contains 27.878.400 square feet and that makes 27.878.400 pizzas.
Yes, you are right, a 12 inches diameter pizza does not cover an exact square foot, because it’s not square, so let’s add a 15% rounding then.
What you said?
A 15% looks empirical to you?
Trust me my friend, your fussy attitude is not the way pizza translation works.
So 27.878.400 plus 15% is 32.060.160.
Now, let’s divide 4.500.000.000 pizzas (remember, the amount of plain cheese pizza you could buy with 45 billion dollars) by 32.060.160.
That makes 14.036 square feet.
PLOT TWIST my friend – or “coup de théâtre” as some guys certainly have thought at a recent Angels of Death Metal show in Paris – with 4.500.000.000 pizzas you would only cover one third of Tennesee.
Damn Mark Zuckerberg, you tight jew!

Originatosi nella provincia emiliano-romagnola, da bambino soffre d'asma e ha l'aspetto di un profugo albino del Mali, a quattordici anni gli parte lo sviluppo e prende rapidamente le sembianze del famoso dirigibile Hindemburg. Caparbio collezionista di imprese epiche che terminano regolarmente molto presto e molto male, incallito disegnatore di peni, detesta i film di fantascienza degli anni ottanta ivi compreso Blade Runner ma escluso Ritorno al Futuro, più di ogni altra cosa ama John Steinbeck poi, in ordine sparso, la panificazione domestica, dare fuoco alle cose, il giardinaggio, Phoenix Marie.

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